Lessons from Gabriel

"Joy is the transformation of our suffering, not the escape of all we have to face."  

-Mark Nepo

May 20, 2008 - June 17, 2019

Our much-loved dog, Gabriel, passed away this month after developing a fibrosarcoma.  He'd had a limp in his front right leg since last July, but did not develop the tumor until last month.  When  medications did not manage his pain I had to let him go last week.  Because he was more than just a pet to me, it has left me feeling bereft.  It's been a combination of almost losing our youngest son late last year (he was able to get a heart transplant in time) and losing our daughter-in-law's father in April to pancreatic cancer that has enabled me to learn the following lessons.  I am here to testify that Mark Nepo's quote above is so very true.  By turning to God in each of the things I've had to face these past 7 months, I can verify that He can, indeed, turn our suffering into joy.

The first five lessons were shown to me through the devotionals I read the morning after Gabriel's death.  The last two came a few days later.

Lessons learned:  

1. Ask for what you want until you get it
2. Live as though you are loved unconditionally because you are!
3. Let God comfort you when you need comforting
4. As Jesus' ambassador reach out to everyone you meet
5. Letting someone go can be an act of justice
6. Love others with the love that overflows from God's love for you
7. Don't rely on others to meet your needs

Lesson #1 - Ask for what you want until you get it

I awoke to, Poetry, my cat's meowing for food that first morning after Gabriel's death.  I'd been up during the night and consequently slept longer than usual.  She is a very vocal cat and will persist until I respond.  

I, on the other hand, do not have this trait.  I realized that when I took Gabriel to the Vet the week before I knew it was time then to let him go, but instead I let the Vet send me home with pain medications.  His last day was terrible because I was unable to talk to the Vet until mid-afternoon and wasn't able to get an appointment until 6:00 that evening to end his suffering.

Lesson #2 - Live as though you are loved unconditionally because you ARE!

The Brave Girl's Club newsletter read, "You are not replaceable.  You are not forgotten,  You are beloved and you are meant to live that way."  

I already know that I will never be able to replace Gabriel.  All Westies look basically alike, but I will know in my heart it is not Gabriel.  I will never forget him.  Living with him for almost 11 years taught me what unconditional love looks like.  He hated to be left behind, but he never held it against me.  When I'd return he always greeted me with such enthusiasm that I felt unconditionally loved.  Whenever I'd move to a different room in the house he'd follow me there.  He made me feel special and I knew that I was lovable no matter what.

Lesson #3 - Let God comfort you when you need comforting

Oswald Chamber's devotional read, "Let actual circumstances be what they may, keep recognizing Jesus, maintain complete reliance on Him." 

I decided to look up the meaning of Gabriel's name at this point and this is what I found:  "man of God; God is my strength; devoted to God; a hero of God."  I realized that Gabriel came into my life to teach me not only what God's unconditional love looks and feels like, but through his death he was teaching me to turn to God in my grief.  I am not meant to shoulder it alone.  God is my strength.

A few days later I would read that day's scripture in Our Daily Bread, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble - Psalm 46:11"  It was as though God was emphasizing the fact that HE is my strength. Too often we turn to other things to give us comfort (like the refrigerator) instead of relying on the Holy Spirit within us to provide that comfort. 

Lesson #4 - As Jesus' ambassador reach out to everyone you meet

Then I read in Our Daily Bread, "In God's story of redemption, our hero Jesus, reaches out to everyone needing rescue including the villains among us."  

Gabriel always enthusiastically greeted visitors to our home or when we took him places.  He was always glad to see everyone.  I do not always act as though I'm glad to see people because I am not an outgoing person and I'm too much like Martha than Mary--but how much better it would be if I could show people that I am indeed glad to see them!

Lesson #5 - Letting someone go can be an act of justice

I read a quote from Robert C. Solomon on cultivating justice, "Our sense of justice....has its origins in such emotions as resentment, jealousy, outrage, and revenge as well as in care and compassion."   

I did not want Gabriel to suffer at all and that is why I did not pursue a treatment plan for the cancer.  I was willing to let him go before it got to the point that it did.  What this quote brought up for me was the reason I got a dog in the first place.  In 2008 I was having trouble getting over the fact that my last child was in college and I would soon be an empty-nester--an apt term for me because I was like a mother hen to my boys.  I let them go outwardly, but my attitude about it was less than stellar.  Looking back, I can now see it has been the cause of the conflict that arises between us from time to time over the years.  My boys would have have been spared the repercussions of my angst if my sense of justice had been directed toward them rather than myself.  They had a right to grow up and leave home and live their own lives without any interference from me!

Lesson #6 - Love others with the love that overflows from God's love for you

I realized that my love for Gabriel was based on my own neediness (see #5).  My loss of his love revealed my own lack (my neediness).  As people we are to love one another with the love that God fills us with because then our love for them is not based on our lack (our neediness), but instead on our fullness (God's love).  If we lose someone, we don't lose a part of our true selves--our spiritual selves--because all that we gave them was of God who continues to fill us with His Love--it never runs out.

Lesson #7 - Don't rely on others to meet your needs

We each have our own way of grieving--it is part of being human.  It is a process we must go through to get to the Joy on the other side.  I realized that if I relied on friends and family to understand what I've been going through, I would only be wallowing in self-pity rather than moving onward and upward (toward God). 

Then I read Job 42:10, "And the Lord restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends."  The Oswald Chambers devotional used this verse to show that "The real business of your life is intercessory prayer."  When Job prayed for the friends that let him down rather than hold a grudge against them, all his losses were restored. 

It has been 10 days now since I lost Gabriel, but because of it, my heart is being softened each time I allow myself to feel the loss and then receive God's comfort.  It is as though God is teaching me throughout the day when something that reminds me that Gabriel is no longer here and tears well up in my eyes, that He will never leave me.  I will always have God as my strength to face whatever loss I will experience in this earthly life.  He is my constant companion.  I need only ask for what I need and He will supply it.  And foremost, I must love others like God--and Gabriel--loves me.....unconditionally and without restraint.

Father, I've always known these truths, but I needed to experience them in actuality in order to make them part of my life.  May these lessons enable me to become a better  ambassador for Jesus Christ.

Link to scripture:  2 Corinthians 5:20

Take action: