Changing Views

 "....Let us take a three-day journey into the wilderness to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God..." - Exodus 3:18

This was the view out my hospital room, the second morning I'd been there.  The first night into the morning hours was spent in a windowless emergency room.  This was definitely an improvement, and oddly enough, I felt as though I was on a vacation!  We've hardly gone anywhere since the Pandemic started and not at all anywhere overnight since last October.  Having a new view out my window when I woke up that morning was a welcomed change, though I would have much preferred watching the sun rise over some lovely ocean view.  

But that would not have helped me change my POINT of VIEW.  It seems my three-day journey in the hospital was my wilderness where I would "make sacrifices" to the LORD.  This is where I would sacrifice (give up) my need to be in control of my life while at the same time learn to exert control over what medications I would allow them to give me, or sit rather than lie down while they took my blood pressure (the correct way) in order to show them it wasn't really as high as they thought it was.  I wanted to just go home and take a hot epsom salt bath to deal with the pain.  They wanted to give me narcotics, which I refused.  But I had to stay and go through tests to rule out some life-threatening cause.  After 3 days I was released, still in pain with more questions than answers.  (Yes, it felt like being released--from prison....I told my husband the next time I go to the ER I'm going to have to be unconscious.) 

Once home I was still up in the night in pain.  The only way I could sleep was sitting up on my couch.  I listened to several YouTube meditation videos on healing.  When one said the ONLY thing in life that you have control over are your THOUGHTS it got my full attention.  Thoughts are the result of your beliefs....your point of view about your life, your circumstances.  I thought of Philippians 4:8....

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable---if anything is excellent or praiseworthy---think on these things.

 I knew then that I needed to focus my thoughts on what was right in my life, not what wasn't.  I still don't know what is causing my pain (only occasional and slight now).  I had a thorough check-up at the hospital, so nothing is lurking undetected....unless you want to count unhealthy thoughts.  But one really BIG issue in my thought life was brought to the surface this morning while listening to a podcast by two Christians authors.  

Their podcast was about clutter in their homes (this is leading up to the next podcast about clutter in our thoughts).  As a writer one of them said she puts all her energy into whatever project she's working on to the neglect of the rest of her life causing the rest of her life to get out of hand.  This made me stop and think about how I struggle with filling my time with meaningful "projects" because I don't have a career.  For several years I had several creative projects going at the same time.  I never lacked anything to do.  But somewhere along the way none of my former interests have inspired me to create anything.  The Pandemic, then the loss of my pets left me feeling I had to start over, but nothing interested me except keeping my woods and gardens cleared of "clutter".  But now I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to care for my gardens and woods like I have in the past.  This author could very well have the same problem I'm having with my "worth and usefulness" if she didn't have her job.  Because of her job she may never have to deal with it.  She has an excuse, if you will, to let her house go and her kids fend for themselves because what she's doing is important.  She may never get to the point where I am-----the crossroads of choosing to find my worth in just BEING and not in any DOING I might use to give me worth.  For this I am grateful because this morning I had this epiphany as I wrote in my journal....

I wonder if I had to "create" my medical problems in order to appreciate what I already have.  If I could just come to terms with living an ordinary day with ordinary things to do, like self-care, housekeeping, inside and out, food shopping/prep/etc. and just order my life so that I'm available to help my family or others when they need me, that should be enough to give me a sense of purpose.  Afterall, God created me to enjoy life, to learn and grow along the way, to share what I've been given, and to love everyone that crosses my path.  He enjoys watching me do all this, and why He loves it when I pray to Him.  Just as I enjoy the details of my children's lives, which I helped launch them into, God wants to hear from me about the details of the life He launched me into.

 

Ordinary work was so important that God gave Israel six days to devote to it and only one devoted to worshipping Him.  Now that Christ has come, our ordinary work and our worship of Him have become One just as we've become one with the Holy Spirit who lives in us and we in Him.  The ordinary has become extraordinary in His eyes.

Lord, You don't require me to do anything for Your Love.  I don't have to prove my worthiness by what I do.  I just have to be available to the Holy Spirit just like I am available to my children---something I wouldn't be if I had all my time devoted to things I thought more important than ordinary days. In You my ordinary days become extraordinary. May my view always be through the window of Your Love.

 

Link to Scripture:  Psalm 118:24

Take Action:  Ordinary Days